Shameful Admission

All right kiddos, it’s admission time: I have let life get in the way of my writing. I know, I know, one should always make time to write. That’s been my personal mantra the last couple months, anyway. However, there have been extenuating circumstances, such as my health, school…basically, the sources of big bummers in my writing life.

As such, in this semi-depressed mood that always seems to fall during the last final weeks of winter, I have lost the will to write. I want to write, but every time I open the file, I just stare at the last bit I wrote. I can’t get past the last paragraph, because I hate it so. I take it away, and I can’t write anything new because…I can’t? This is the oddest sort of writer’s block I’ve ever had. I know where I want to go next. I just can’t transition to that point. Usually, I don’t know where I want to go next, I panic, and the Block Against Writing pummels me to the point that my ego breaks, and, to add insult to injury, throws me in a pit to fend off Doubt, Anxiety, and Cliche-Turns-of-Phrase.

It’s a traumatic experience.

But this time, I feel different. I’m in the dark but I can see the light; I can almost reach its source, I just can’t seem to unsquint my eyes long enough to know exactly where to grab.

So, I’m waiting. I’m letting it come to me, rather than forcing it out like I did with NaNoWriMo. Each night, I think about my characters rather than worry about my health or school: I do this so I will dream about my characters–my dreams tend to be eerily vivid and dreaming about my characters brings me some of the most interesting ideas. (Not that it’s worked yet in this instance, but it doesn’t hurt to try?)

Anyway, I thought I would throw this out to the blogosphere*. Maybe letting some steam off will allow my ideas to cool and solidify into something I can actually write about.

* blogosphere: the social phenomenon of blogs linking to other blogs. Term respectfully taken from Questionable Content.

4 thoughts on “Shameful Admission

  1. I can definitely relate to what you’re going through. I was on a roll before all the wedding planning stuff, and now I’m back to ground zero. How do you force yourself to go on? It’s all too much for me. ::embarrassed::

    X/

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  2. I can definitely relate to what you’re going through. I was on a roll before all the wedding planning stuff, and now I’m back to ground zero. How do you force yourself to go on? It’s all too much for me. ::embarrassed::

    X/

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  3. Well…that’s a good question. Sometimes, I don’t go on, haha. Instead, I work on other things that let me plan around my project, like designing book covers, or marketing plans…that’s partly why I made this blog. As long as I’m doing some sort of writing, I feel pretty good. The creative juices don’t stop flowing, and it’s not so much of a writer’s block as a redirection of energies. Mainly, I try not to focus so much on the fact that I’m not writing exactly what I want to write. When I begin to obsess like that, I waste energy on wanting to do something rather than just doing it.

    I don’t know. Everyone’s different! 🙂

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  4. Well…that’s a good question. Sometimes, I don’t go on, haha. Instead, I work on other things that let me plan around my project, like designing book covers, or marketing plans…that’s partly why I made this blog. As long as I’m doing some sort of writing, I feel pretty good. The creative juices don’t stop flowing, and it’s not so much of a writer’s block as a redirection of energies. Mainly, I try not to focus so much on the fact that I’m not writing exactly what I want to write. When I begin to obsess like that, I waste energy on wanting to do something rather than just doing it.

    I don’t know. Everyone’s different! 🙂

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