Quote: Failure to Please

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I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is to try to please everyone.
- Bill Cosby
And now for some amusing news that will make any rejected writer feel a little better…

Publishers fail to spot plagiarized Jane Austen
LONDON (Reuters) – Even Jane Austen would have trouble finding a publisher today, a struggling author revealed Thursday.David Lassman sent off to 18 publishers assorted chapters from Austen novels in which he changed just the titles and the names of the characters.

He called himself Alison Laydee after Austen’s early pseudonym “A Lady.”

Seventeen publishers rejected or ignored his bid for literary glory. Only one spotted the ruse and told him not to mimic “Pride and Prejudice” so closely.

Lassman, who decided on the experiment when struggling to get his own novel published, told British media: “Getting a novel accepted is very difficult today unless you have an agent first. But I had no idea of the scale of rejection poor old Jane suffered.”

Thanks to Redshoeson for the heads-up! Article from Reuters on Thu Jul 19, 2007 9:45AM http://www.reuters.com/article/email/idUSL1941223720070719

Top Seven Traits

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So your current work-in-progress looks like it might never see the light of day. Yet, when your friends and colleagues ask what you do, you itch to say that you’re a writer. How can you say that? What makes you think you’re a writer? What gall you must have! Here is a list of seven traits that I can relate to, and hey, I call myself a writer. Read the list and maybe you’ll have more confidence in yourself and your projects as well.

Are You a Writer? 7 Traits that Writers Have in Common
by Liz StraussNaturally, if the idea of a writer is self-defined, I can’t tell you when you will feel that you can call yourself a writer. However, I can tell you a few things about writers that seem to be true about writers — from every first grader I taught to every great writer I’ve ever researched.

1. A writer is a paradox of ego and self-doubt. We need both to keep on task and to keep in control. Knowing oneself is the only way to invest in the work and still be able to let go when it’s time to stand back and revise it.
2. Writers often start out feeling like an imposter. The message we’re told is that the writing is strong and compelling, or well on its way, but we think the messenger could be mistaken.
3. Writers get lost if they compare themselves and their work to other writers. The same is true if they write for approval.
4. Even the most inexperienced writer knows when the writing is wonderful. The problem is that we have to learn how to tell when the writing is not good and how to have the courage to fix it.
5. Writer’s block is fear, or exhaustion, or both. It can be managed if we know its source.
6. Every writer is in a self-actualizing process. Writing is an apprenticeship. A writer is always becoming a writer.
7. Nothing in life can prepare you to be a writer, except everything in your life.
8. I would say the best advice is to paraphrase Troy Worman. “Don’t wait for permission to be a writer.”

Every day I write, I learn something about myself and other people.

How do I know I’m a writer? Try as I might to avoid it, I simply must write.

Article found at http://www.successful-blog.com/1/are-you-a-writer-7-traits-that-writers-have-in-common/.

In French, Chat Chapeau

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I forgot to mention that this past week, The Cat in the Hat turned 50. I have very fond memories of that book, and the little musical cartoon movie. Dr Seuss’s nonsensical words, among many other things from my childhood (Sesame Street, The Letter People, Reading Rainbow, and Wishbone), gave me my love of language.

So, happy birthday, Mr Cat.

Official Rules for Writing Victorian Historical Novels

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This is hilarious and something all Victorian novelists ought to read.

OFFICIAL RULES FOR WRITING VICTORIAN HISTORICAL NOVELS
by Sally Zigmond1. There’s always trouble up factory/mill/mine (always referred to as t’factory, t’mill or t’pit).

2. Britain was a smaller place then. It consisted only of The Industrial North (Yorkshire, Manchester and South Shields) and London (West End, sleazy and rich; East End, sleazy and poor, but full of loveable rogues).

3. Rain falls for 360 days a year. On 4 days, the sun is shrouded in smoke, soot and grime or never seen as everyone toils day and night in the factory/mill/mine. Star-crossed lovers always spend one day out on’t moors in brilliant sunshine, make a baby, then return home in a violent thunderstorm, after which they are forcibly parted or dead.

4. The main characters are: rich and wicked factory/mill/mine owner; rich and wicked factory/mill/mine owner’s son; rich and virtuous factory/mill/mine owner’s son; poor and virtuous factory/mill/mine worker; rich and virtuous factory/mill/mine owner’s daughter; rich and wicked factory/mill/mine owner’s daughter; poor and virtuous daughter of factory/mill/mine worker (delete where not applicable).

5. The necessary love interest occurs when a male from list 4 falls in love with a female from list 4 (write names on cards and throw in the air). This inevitably leads to 3 or 1 or both.

6. One of the men is a Luddite. Another believes in progress. They are probably brothers (either rich or poor, but both virtuous). They are at odds until the penultimate chapter when one saves the other’s life (see 1 and 10).

7. The wife of the factory/mill/mine owner is an invalid. The virtuous factory/mill/mine worker is a widower and his daughter is dying of consumption. Only the virtuous contract consumption. The wicked enjoy robust health.

8. The wicked factory/mill/mine owner always cuts wages or lays workers off to pay his or his son’s gambling debts or his daughter’s dressmaker (see 1). Or the virtuous factory/mill owner may be forced to cut wages or lay off workers to pay his wife’s medical bills. His guilty conscience leads him to drink or death (see 1 and 7).

9. There is always a strike at the factory/mill/mine and the wrong (virtuous) man is always accused of being the ring-leader and is thrown in gaol where he dies or is saved by his enemy (see 1 and 6).

10. All factories/mills/mines have leaking roofs, lethal machinery and dangerous chemicals. They always blow up or burn down in the penultimate chapter (see 1).

Should I be worried? I hope not haha…my novel has nothing to do with mines or factories or mills. Maybe it should. Hm. Anyway, article found at Sarah’s Bookarama: http://readeryblog.blogspot.com/2006/03/official-rules-for-writing-victorian.html. Article originally written for Solander December 2001: http://www.historicalnovelsociety.org.

Fairy Tales

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Stuck in a rut? Want to begin a new novel (since NaNoWriMo is coming up)? I find that I love fairy tales, and that they have the best themes to make the backbone of any good draft. Tired of the Disney versions? Don’t worry, they are by no means the only and official version of these stories.

Tales of Wonder: folk and fairy tales from around the world.
National Geographic’s Brothers Grimm Fairy Tales: 12 “unvarnished” tales based off a 1914 translation.
Encyclopedia Mythica: focused on the folklore, mythology, and religion from around the world. Split up by region and then by genre.

Nifty Online Plotting Tools

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I found these tools online by searching “character, writing tools” through Google. Some of these are actually meant for students to map/study an already published text, but I see no reason why we can’t also use them to analyze our own work.

Drama Map: this is a smiple organization tool to help with character, conflict, resolution, and setting mapping. Not the most detailed, but if you are working scene-by-scene, this could actually be very useful. Plus, it’s always fun to work with pretty graphics.

Circle Diagram: another way to map out scenes (or your overall plot) is to use the circle diagram theory. The idea is that you place the beginning at the 23:55 and the ending at say… the 00:05 position (if we’re thinking clocks). Then, you put the exact center of your plot at the 12:00 position. Keep filling in with plot twists, etc, and when you’ve filled the sides of the circle, you can start drawing lines across it. This allows you to draw on information that only you as the author knows early in the plot, and have it relate to something much later.

General Themes that (almost) all stories start from:

*The journey there and back.
*Winning the prize.
*Winning or losing the loved one.
*Loss and restoration.
*The blessing becomes the curse.
*Overcoming obstacles.
*The wasteland restored.
*Rising from the ashes.
*The ugly duckling.
*The emperor has no clothes.
*Descent into the underworld.

I’ll return later with quick summaries of all the books I’ve been reading. I sort of fell behind on my reviews. Such is the life of a student. Or rather, such is life.